How Not To Be That Flaky Friend
The most irritating trait of the millennial and Gen-Z generations is their inability to commit.
Cancel culture is everywhere and not just in public debate. The biggest manifestation is that of friends cancelling last-minute – or ‘bailing’, as the youth would say.
These attendance U-turns frustrate abandoned friends and hosts up and down the land, and invalidate any genuine reason to pull out of an event as and when tragic life moments actually happen.
Why do people bail?
We have hoards of young adults who can have perfectly good conversations with you on online but struggle when it comes to face-to-face interaction.
Perhaps they believe it may be better to bail than go through with the plans, which is a shame. Other reasons could be they are worried they will miss out on another event; one champion bailer once admitted to me that they selected ‘maybe attending’ as they felt this was a nicer option - they had no intention to go but didn’t want to hurt the host’s feelings. Or they were simply waiting for the next best thing and were keeping their options open.
How to pull out
As with anything, there are manners around cancelling plans. Firstly, don't just say yes to something you aren't absolutely sure you both can and want to attend.
If you must renege, don’t look at it as a cancellation; look at it as a postponement and offer alternative dates.
You should really only cancel on inanimate things like gym memberships and streaming services. Humans have feelings, Netflix doesn’t.
There are also better times to bail and worse times. Cancelling with a decent notice period is preferable, ideally weeks, but is it a bail if more than forty-eight hours is given? You decide.
What do you say?
When declining invitations, there is no need to give a specific reason. But when cancelling at the eleventh hour, a specific (and hopefully honest) reason needs to be provided pretty darn quickly.
The whole thing must be done by a telephone call and not a lazy text. Genuine regret must be offered, and any costs incurred – such as a deposit or charge for a restaurant reservation – must be paid in full by the one cancelling.
Short n sweet
Keep it concise. Wordy explanations, backstories and repetition are usually hallmarks of a lie. Never overexplain as it smacks of fabrication.
The diplomatic route
As mentioned, it is politer to offer a choice of your next available dates as to when you can see your hosts or friends.
Although not guaranteed, this can take the sting out of the supposed rejection, especially for the more anxious millennials and Gen Zers. Once a new date has been set, it is best to add a notation to your calendar entry, such as the obvious ‘do not cancel’, to ensure you don’t become a repeat offender.
Should the other party cancel, of course, you have no right to be annoyed in any way and must totally understand, even if you are livid with them.
Cancelling and messing people around in business will not take you very far in your career. Socially, if you are known to be unreliable then you will simply stop getting invited. People will get fed up with the excuses, not knowing which one to believe is true or not, so they will stop bothering. No one is indispensable.
In cheerfulness,
William