How To Behave In Five-Star Hotels

If you can afford it, five-star hotels are usually a worthwhile treat, but let's be honest, they can be a bit bizarre, with conventions and expected rules of behaviour that are sometimes a mystery even to seasoned, well-heeled travellers.

Here are my suggestions to avoid social hiccups at upmarket residences, from being economical with the selfies, to keeping your luggage out of the lobby.

Upon arrival

When you first spot the chandeliers, marbled desks, floors and smartly dressed staff, do not allow your pupils to dilate and mouths to drop in five-star awe. 

This is a very basic and easy way for both the waiting staff and on-looking guests to immediately work out if you really belong there.

You are allowed to enjoy it, but enjoy it tastefully and discreetly.  

Luggage and lobbies

When checking in, remember that the hotel porters (US: bell hops) are not there to steal your luggage, so there is no need to scream "BAGS! HE'S GOT THE BAGS!" as my friend Jordan North (with whom I host one of my podcasts) did when we arrived at the Hôtel de Paris Monte-Carlo back in 2019...

Head to around 14 minutes and 20 seconds if you want to hear it...

When checking out, do not wheel your luggage yourself down into the lobby. 

Some hotels, like The Savoy, even have a blanket ban on the very sight of a suitcase in the hallowed hall - however expensive the bag. Fifteen or so minutes before you need to leave the hotel, telephone the concierge and ask for someone to come and collect your things. You may as well use the service - you're paying for it. (And yes, you can tip the person who arrives with the trolley, if you want.)

The Savoy Hotel, London - note, no suitcases!

Staff are not your friends

During their training, staff of a quality hotel will have been told to not to cross the line. The staff will be friendly, but they are not your friends. Guests need to remember this and not become overly familiar or chummy with the staff. It's a different mentality to your relationship to the bronzed holiday rep on the Costa Plonka.

Leave the famous guests alone

You never know who is going to be staying, so if you do spot someone you recognise, do not approach the reception desk and ask them to verify whether you were right. 

Even if you do, a good hotel will always respect other guests' right to privacy and won't reply in the affirmative or negative. Similarly, do not try and stage a rendezvous with the celebrity. Leave them alone. (There is more on spotting people of note in public in Just Good Manners, I would be remiss not to say!)

Room categories

A source of continued bafflement for guests of luxury hotels is trying to work out the room categories upon booking.

In most cases, a 'superior room' is in fact, despite the billing, superior to nothing. It is the lowest category of room. A 'deluxe room' is pretty much the same but with the addition of a sofa or arm-chair. An 'executive room' is one with a desk. 

Unless they are a suite, all bedrooms in a five-star hotel are good enough so don't sweat the small stuff. You will still get the umbrella in the wardrobe, evening turn-down service and glossy ad-riddled magazines that no one ever reads.

Selfie etiquette

Finally, go easy with photography. Even luxury hotels now find it hard to escape the well-off 'influencer' clientele, though some hotels outright banning staged shots, such as with a tripod.

Oversharing the luxury is a flashing tell-tale sign that the poser isn't used to this sort of environment. Your ever-ready flash and phosphorescent backlight will annoy other guests too, especially in more dimly lit areas of the hotel.

In conclusion, remember to act like you've done it a hundred times before and you won't go far wrong.

Yours sincerely,

William