Essential Wedding Gift Etiquette
Wedding season is upon us once again.
But with a heap of dates saved in the calendar for glorious occasions ahead, we enter an etiquette minefield.
Some advice is needed on what is correct and what is not correct for guests at the weddings we have all come to know and love/hate today.
On that note, grab your freshly-ground coffee or cup of tea, and let's unpack my ultimate wedding gift guide for 2025.
The gift registry
Traditionally, a gift registry was because the couple had not cohabited and, after their wedding day, would be setting up their first home together, so needed a dinner service, fondue set and a pie slice. Today, couples have often lived together for years and may have had one or two homes already, so there’s no need for additional pie slices. In such instances, asking for actual gifts can seem greedy, which is probably why the more modern trend of asking for cash has developed.
If a traditional gift list has been provided, try sticking to that rather than going off-list. They might not love it as much as you think.
Giving the gift of charity?
Some couples already have everything they want. If there is no gift list nor do the happy couple want anything specifically, finding a charity close to their heart and interests may be a lovely idea.
We asked our guests to donate money to charity at our wedding, if they wanted to give a present. We discussed all this in this week's main episode of The Luxury Podcast, incidentally.
I've spent a fortune on travelling, can I skip the gift?
Yes, it’s absolutely fine. You don’t need to get a present and in fact the couple shouldn’t expect anyone, whatever their means, to buy them a present if it’s a far-flung destination wedding. If they do get stroppy about it, then frankly they’re not your friends. You can still give them a wedding card or write them a nice letter – that’s more meaningful.
Is cash ever an acceptable gift?
One good test of how British you really are is whether you got a bit squeamish at the thought just now of cash giving. Traditional Brits will not like this, as any public or private display of finance is always tricky. Money is such a divisive issue and one we try to avoid at all costs. The temerity of some couples to even put bank details in the invitation feels grotesquely unceremonial.
Attitudes in the UK are – very slowly – beginning to change on giving money to a couple getting married, however. Who knows - in a decade or two it may be totally accepted. We shall see.
Cash gifting etiquette
Thoughtful couples should explain to their guests how the money will be used — such as funding their honeymoon or investing in major home improvements like a new kitchen, garden, or furniture — helping guests feel more at ease about giving cash.
Guests, in turn, should consider the amount they would normally spend on a physical gift and contribute that amount, without feeling pressured to be overly generous.
How much is enough?
Deciding on an appropriate sum really depends. I’d say £100 is about average but that varies – the groom may be a secret tech-bro millionaire. In this instance, the couple is presumably unaware of your normal donation. If they’ve given £50 for your wedding, and you normally give £100, give £50, but we should never think of our friends as sources of income.
If you've got an extra ten minutes this morning, as it were, then do consult a video on the subject I did some years ago on ITV with Philip and Holly (remember them?)
The etiquette of modern weddings would be enough to fill a separate book – and maybe one day will – but I hope this newsletter has proved to be an executive précis to serve you well until then.
Yours in warm spirits,
William